....w.t.f.e.o.t.b.

feeling alone..
transulent...
like a ghost...
covinced that no matter...
what i post...
one will boost
my words...
are read like...
ect....
nothing seems to get...
too its destination... love is in heavy...
rotation...
but its fading escping...
loosing its touch...
why must it be me...
that is the thee..
why cant it be she...
fuck that we...
i cant see ...don wanna...
bout start a new genre...
that only suits those with sense...
common...cause that shit is sick...
can give what i don have...
im tired of being sad....
im not over it i wont be...
but how so quickly...
ur over me...
but im wrong...
sounds like a contidictive
love song...

listen

i hope this is loud and clear...
for EVERYONE to hear...
i know my words...
are sometime full of trickary...
plenty of metephors...
and broken similes...
but i need SOMEONE...
to open there ears...
let go of ur fears and just
for once FUCKING hear...
the words that i write so fercily...
now listen close and hear me...
i am human..
i have flaws...
but why once thats shown...
everything is put on pause...
with no reguard...
i began to applaude...
because it seems like a play...
same script diffent cast..
another dollar another day...
don come to me wit no problems..
if u aint got solution...
with out one it is still a problem...
i aint dumb...
it may seem that way...
cause like child...
pictures are all u see...
when the MOTHERFUCKIN...
nouns and verbs are infront of thee..
i see the thing u dont want me to see...
and slowly but surly i just let it be...
stop underestaimating my abilities...
because my heart it is on my sleeve...
please recieve that i can give...
plz understand that i do understand...
and ill be damned...
but whats demanded...
has no basis...
its like those pictures wit nofaces...
im not sure what the case is...
but bothsides are dismissed...
no longer looking for love or bliss..
not looking for ish...
souls have been shown...
spots have been blown..
sitting here alone....
trying to explain..
why my pain had turned intoanger fustration and hurt...
hopless nothingness..
like ive been thrown in the dirt...
both love and bliss let me down..
the sight is blurry...
and muffled is the sound...
my insides feel like they have been thrown around...
a sight if u want sore eyes...
the funny part of it all...
none of these feeling are not a surprise..
just a cycle in time...
and if people would leave methe FUCK alone...
stop feeding me dreams...
i would be fine

pissed

im writing this...
cause im pissed...
tired of being tricked...
and laughed at when no ones looking...
why do i let others...
continue to define who i am...
pissed because i believe u...
but better then me...
ur sneaky too...
pissed because love...
is so distant from my being...
pissed because u know my heart...
and u tip toe on it...
with the knuckles of ur feet..
pissed because i work harder then a ant...
and it aint enough...
pissed...pissed...just so fucking pissed..

so...

tired of words being shoved down my throt....
when i do speak...
it as if im mute...
trying to use my brain...
to compute...
whats really going on...
why must everything be out of the norm...
trying to speak...
but my words are shoved behind...
and nothing i really feel...
ever seems to reach surface...
what the purpose...
since every already knows...

...

actions speak louder then words..
tired of all the adjectives and verbs...
the sound of the vowels against....
consonant after consonant...
with no consent of action...
beautiful wishes...
whispers...
and sonnets...
halfway seeing...
saying not being...
transparent...
reached...
compromised...
with surprise...
but nothing is of realization...
know one really looks...
we see what we wanna see...
be who we wanna be....
sneak...
then try to peak...
u come off meek...
but as usual its Ur actions that speak..

up

sitting up late..
cant sleep...
see imma thinka..
so let me see...
what is it...
that u want from me...
feeling like that
ooowee..
i cant quite...
understand..
what is it u demand...
what is it that ur waiting for...
what more proof do u need...
what do i have to concieve..
if u truly believe...
nothing is easy...
but it is a factor...
that im truly after...
imma thinka..
so im tryin to put myself there...
thats a place that needs a sign to beware..
because anything is possible...
when it come too...
so for now like everyone else..
imma think for me...
and leave the rest for u..

lol

real lust..
trust...
i just had an epiphany...
with that....
my heads gonna combust...
inside i slowly but surly rust...
what is it really...
when is enough enough...
my exterior quite tough..
but not as rough
as it may seem...
head full a dreams...
i seen and heard this one before..
so ready to close that door...
and reach new heights...
tired of being siked...
too close to being iked..
irked by the fact of know..
but not fully...
trying to go wit my gut...
but whats really what...
whats really truly waiting ...
for me me to come through...
is it real love...
or im just waiting...
to be dissappointed again...

true

in a place that can't be seen trying to find line
but it seems non existent
i guess its my fault that
it seems inconsistent
but when distance
is a factor that seems to be
more then distance
i can't resist it
but as hard as one makes it seem
somewhat persistent
the future holds
what if and maybes
dreams of babies
but what's real
is waiting
for love thee
answer
or Should u leap
for something that seems
to be of only existing
in one
or just reach for the stars
know that u won't be able to touch one
what's said is said...
what's done is done...
now whats it gonna be....

....

To try an understand
ones needs,
is no longer of me,
never in this department,
have i had success,
the things i distress
but realizing everyday
there can't be nothing left
i yes and yes
today im feeling like
no
over the bullshit...
tired of letting things go
tired of getting
the short end
always being...
an after thought
i thought...
well i guess thoughts
are all i have to them
i hold on and grab..

Umm

To try an understand
ones needs,
is no longer of me,
never in this department,
have i had success,
the things i distress
but realizing everyday
there can't be nothing left
i yes and yes
today im feeling like
no
over the bullshit...
tired of letting things go
tired of getting
the short end
always being...
an after thought
i thought...
well i guess thoughts
are all i have
i hold on and grab..
Replaying each one
Trying to figure out
What I have become

how

i laugh so hard...
i begin to cry...
i sit sigh ...
and ask myself...
who what when and why...
did it have to come to this...
low blows...
behind empty kisses...
lies turn in to wishes...
what is this...
jus how did it come to this...
unbeknowst from the first if...
i stop taking ur calls thats how u know...
telling me that explanation has turned in to sensation...
creating...no sense...
im trying to reach...
but how far are u really...
seem more distant then 35days...
i daze at the maze my life has turned in to...
battered and confused...
i have misused...
but never have i refused...
so just how did it come too this...blankness

time

so many thoughts...
run through my head...
in the last month...
so many things done...
still not enough said....
im seeing red...
feeling beyond dead....
lifeless like a robot...
that has mal functioned...
everything i've felt seems like an assumption...
too you...
its funny how..
one expects u too react...
before reviewing all the facts...
maybe i Shouldn have cut u no slack...
blinded by love that's a fact...
in a matter of something that u claim u do....
but for so long was lacked...
now i sit back with no contraction...
or contradiction....
just wishing for some accommodation....
consideration from my fare warning of my needs...
which u choose not to conceive...
so where does that leave...
me....
in the hell inside my brain...
slowly going insane....
i know that's what u want secretly...
i hope u enjoy Ur success....
while i cry tears from my soul....
and search for what makes me whole again

maybe

H2O..
These are strong words..
To admit would be in vain...
This shit is beyond insane...
Tryin to remaine in manner that is resonable..
Im confused you know...
I can act if shock is not a factor...
Because no matter what is said or done...
Its not the facts your after...

Stop playing the blame game and look real deep...
Tell me what really is it that you seek...
And dont say you dont know stop playing meek..
Reach inside of you dont think just feel..
Whats real to you really...
Has truth ever been that important...
I need you to see what you really see..
And just let it be...
If ist right let it be...
Wash away all that carried unnecessary misery...
And if not the stop faking...waiting for something to be mistakin...
So that is it easied...when u decide to leave
Stop being so foucsed on surrondings and look at me..
Better still look at you...

I cant say that wrong hasnt been done...
On both ends but do we live in that sea of misery..
Or do we come out and dry off and try again...
Will this cycle of what if, maybes, and idks ever end...

mixed emotions

What do we call this..
Jumbled twisted...
Tryin to shot and score...
Like a mystic...
I missed it...
I kissed it...
Now what is it...
Beautiful...
yet
Overbearing...
A chick like me aint use to sharing...
Im staring myself in the mirror...
Asking what has become of me..we..thee.three...
I see what i wanna...
Or maybe its really...
Thee...
Trying to conclude..
Thats its more then we..
May the force be wit..
whatever it may be...

thinking

Im seeing
Actually seeing
Starting to be more aware
Of my surrondings
And of ones actions
Everyones
Things are changing
People are truly being
Revealed
Understanding slowly
What everything
Is about
Which is which
Route
Being apart of
What is happening
Being surprised by many
In ways that arent of words
Put in a positon where
I realize that things
Really actually effect me
Mentally..
And all the others lly's
I have yet to know if this
Picture I see is as clear
As I want it to be
Mabey its the hope
In me
Or maybe its a monet..

...

Somethings must come to an end..
I must say...
Understanding yourself...
And whats for you...
Somethings..
Feelings never fade...
And understanding whats...
Real and whats fake..
Can sometimes be a big mistake...
Take 2...
Then add 2...
And you will get 4 everytime...
But it dont add up to me...
Being put in this place...
Where I have to choose...
It seems too have been choosen for me..
Somethings are just to be...
For one reason or the other...
From one person to the another...
Seasons dont matter...
They just keep track of time...
And when its up...
Things begin to change...
Its never easy...
But necessary...

U..G..H

Urning for consitancy...
For you to just love me for me...
I cant take the silence...
Of what lyes beyond the lies...

The elephant in the room...
There is no disguise...
But from the eyes..
Is where truth is...
Im glad that I am geared up...
And well suited for this fight...
That dosent seem to wanna end...
No longer lovers...
Bearly friends...
Convince is what seem to come in mind...
Trying to find the siver linin...
Tears have dired up....
My exterior is sheilding....
My heart is in defrost mode...
The old shit is just getting older...
I dont think nights could be colder..
Nothing seems to be definte...
Security is as distant...
As the loves resistance...
I dont know how much longer...
I cant travel on this path of nothingness...
I protest that love conquers all...
And through communication things wont fall..
But puzzled at the point of it all...

up late

Too many options...
Not enough choices..
Inside my head i here voices..
But not one of reason...
The seasons about to change..
But will all those options...
Be a factor after...
Will everything remain the same...
Wishing i new the outcome..
Before hand..
Wish i had a plan..
For all the pain..
I feel that imma bout to endure..
Like a revolving door...
I explore life on both sides..
Hoping to find my guide...

from ur mouth..
to my heart...
your words hit me like a dart...
unable to control ones feelings..
knowing mine hit the celing..
then feel from the sky...
harder then what i thought...
as i think about my task at hand...
never realized how much was really in demand..
feeling stranded...
like a motherless child...
a person with no direction...
a dick with no erection..
trying to find my protection..
from the darts thrown from ur mouth..
trying to dodge them...
but these words were ment for me...
sent for me..
fuck it ill just let em be..
cause wats for me ill eventually see

..how i feel

You gotta be fucking kidding me..
I mean after all this time..
Me trying, begging and pleading..
And needing you..
To just be..
I mean seriously
You gotta be fucking kidding me..
Life as I seen has been a dream..
And now you wanna be on the lets make up team...
Been playing all by myself all this time..
Me on Me..
Now you see..
Why the fuck I gotta be..
Unresponsive to get one..
Where the fuck is this coming from..
I forgot how to respond..
So I just go with the flow..
I dont know how much longer I can go..
The fact that you dont see shit is fucked up..
Says more then enough..
Its gonna take more then a kiss or two..
A good fuck..
Good luck cause that train has derailed..
I hate to feel like this..
But shit is real..
You gotta be fucking kidding me
Im realizing that I lost myself in you..
Dont get me wrong the love I have for you
I less then Pretend..
But thinking of all the lies I
Began to say again..
You gotta be fucking kinding me..not on a day like today

half way..

so many signs..
it clear too see...
but something..
is keeping me from
me...
mind racing..
trying to catch up wit parts..
of my hearts...
feels like i have more then one..a old..and a new..
that is slowly rising..
like the sun..
but clouded by the old...
tryin to shine through..
but its stuck..
like thee alaska dusk..

i must try to find my way through but for now my heart will shine half way through

what to do...

..stategically placed..
then re..
surfaced..
outta space...
is where it all seems
to lye..
lies multiply then divid..
into what pieces of the pie
are more true..
tired of being so into u..
tired of feeling like a fool..
tired of feeling so uncool..
..dont wanna be ruled..
..but i would love to know
that this love is true..
or is it some twisted thing..
that has been totally miss constued..
damn ur rude...
pouring my guts out..
because i feel that my heart is numb..
feeling beyond dumb...
just wanna be done..
once the sunrises..
i want the surpises to be of..
ur epiphany...i wanna hear a sympony..
but truthfully...
idk what i want really..

kicks..

what am i afraid of..
dreams are made of..
this...
i dismiss
no more bliss..
not even a suculant kiss..
i resist..
for the sake of resisting...
i put myself in situations ..
of complication..
with every situation..
i die a little
cry more then a little..
u playing me like a fiddel..
faddle..chitter
chatter..nothing matters..
of fact..
not feeling in tac..
tic..i feel sick..
so tired of this shit...
feels like ur playing wit my heart for kicks..

...

Lost in passion..
Stuck in reaction..
Trapped..
Into something unknown..
Beyond belief.
But I dont dis...
I miss..
Confused about this..
Now which..
Way to that bliss..
That fills my soul...
Not cold..
Untold because..
Now is not right..
Inside I fight...
Trying to find the light..
Of love..
Not just bright..
More a fluorescent color..
Blinding you..
Moments stolen..
Heart controlin..
Mind there obliviously..
Frivolously...
Another part of me..
Unknow to most ..
Rears its head..
Demanding...
Not understanding..
Standing..
Sittiing
Waiting..
Deabating...
My heart seems to be
Procreating..
No longer to procrastinate..
Real loves waiting..
But for now I will be hesitating

my world..

In my own world..
Trying to catch up wit
History..
In ever single eye
There lyes
Mystery..
Why does it seem that
Whats good... is
Really suga coated
Misery..
I feel for me..
Cause unfoutanaly..
I cant separate
The two
Red from blue
Me from you..
False and true..
So many contradictions
So how do I make my
Subscription
Tired of predicting
Direction..
Need some clearity..
Whats for my eyes to see..
The inner me seems trap in..
Insecutities
Fighting with a heart
That don seem like it belongs to me..
But what really does..
Everthing that is givin to you..
Seems to be taken..
Or either mistaken..
For something conveint..
Meaning nothing in the end..
Defeding this world I live in..
For I know all the rules
Trails and tribulations..
Im comfortable with confontation?
Is ok to have no sensation?
Relations?
...this is how its suppose to be...
.....well maybe for me.........

Thoughts

In my own world..
Trying to catch up wit
History..
In ever single eye
There lyes
Mystery..
Why does it seem that
Goods
Really suga coated
And
Bad is always noted
Living in a world
Where nothing is right
And nothing is wrong.
Diffrent repeated day
Same song
Maybe a remix
Not equipped for your ignorance
So I will attempt to ingnore it..

Just thinking..

Mind frozen in time
To a time of mind
Frame that was less
Insane..
Froze in the sane part
That seems of non existance
Resistant to the obvious
Listen...
To the magnaitude
Of the whats
Known to be
Of this life..
Dont seem right..
Too me..
Nothing makes since
Science seems more real
At least I can touch it..
At least there is some explaination..
At least with confrontation there is
Soulution...
In most cases
But the case is..
Nothing is defInate
Define it..
But once you rewind it..
The meaning becomes of
Something that makes not one
Bit of sense..
5
But the 6th kicks in..
Back in this circle of whats
know to be of life...
Full love hate and strife..
And mights
More no's then yesses..
But full of this thing thats so aggressive
So many guesses..
Never is the lesses...
Seems like the message..

...ok so

feelin like..
i said too much..
enough is enogh
the heart is not as tough
as it use to be
holding on to whats left of me..
trying to see whats real..
concealin
dealing
myself a bad hand
wish i had a hunit grand
a hint into whats really real
not sayin its a raw deal
my choice it was to reveal
but stiiiillllllll....
i feel..
too much
think too much
nothing seems enough..
consistisy is outta touch..
reaching for thing that
only exisit in fantasy..
fantasy..
seems to be
my only reality...
escape from casualties....

feel

feeling like a school girl..
with new curls..
as i twirl them
thinking of you...
wondering whats true..
feeling..like this feeling..
is only feeling cause its..
sparatic..
not caring..
cause the feeling..
is addiment..
glad in it..
plz don let it..
all be a fad
dont want it to fade..
need it to stay...
jus don go away

..

Half pounding..
No sound in...
Closer then
Near..
I Fear..
What's felt
Melting..
By the thought of..
Don't speak..
Just watch..
HEAR...
Because..
Words won't
Tell me
What i need to know..
That half is telling..
Me something..
wanting more..
then nothing..

ok

Tryin to put in perspective..
A perception of what's real..
To many things I feel..
Concealed seems to be the truth..
More or less..
Not feeling this test..
What's next...
Bleeding for yes...
Screaming for no..
Emersed...
In finding...

..unfinshed..

Dream.
....dream...
...Dreaming....
Of the perfect life..
Dreaming..
Is whats right..
There are always probs..
But do they always have..
To be ginomormous..
To the point of..
Permenat damange..
No recovery..
I have a discovery..
Relizing that Its hard for me..
To let go..
Consistancy...
Is key..
And once Im hurt its
Hard to heal my heart..
Realizing my heart..
Is as fagial as a bubble..
Its in trouble..

?

Reasons..
Sometimes feel like..
Excuses..
Taking more then less.
To explain..
Trying to come to an understanding..
Of ones thinking process..
To posses so many unwanted thoughts..
Caught weather or not..
On guard..
Card pulled..
Realizing..
That somethings really arent..
What they seem..
Trying to figure out..
Just what does this all mean..
Feeling obsceAn..
Green...

me

Outta sight
Not to bright
Enough for thee
Nothing seems
Always needing
To strive for best
I test in distress
My obligations..
Unto what situation
Trying to
Create something
Beyond disbelief
I keep
Trying to put my
Finger
On whats for me...

Over it

Feeling the need to be assertive......
Seems like Niceness is to be in heard of....
Beyond all of the lies and excuses...
So tired of feeling use
Less then nothing
Seems to me is all I ask...
But even that seems to be far to much...
No longer for your
Not my clutch so much more...
I can be doing...
So check dis...
Im done... imma let u ruin the routine...
That u so claim to dream...
As slowly the thread rips from the seam..
Until it is no longer what it seems..

free style

So many thoughts run through my temple

I wish it was a simple

Need to get my mental in shape

Sometime to escape

Seem like the only escape to make

I break

But make no mistake Im strong

More then wrong.. almost never

Cleaver like a fox

I dont kick I collect rocks

And put em in my socks

For protection

Not using em as a weapon

They question

Just how he got knock out

Im more then what you know about

Got you sitting there trying to figure it out

Really....?

How could you....
Open the flood gates...
Of my heart....
Without staying...
Constantly saying...
How could you...
Act as if nothing
Happpend...
Like the spark...
Never began too...
Elumilate into....
A flame...
How could you...
Treat me like...
A game...
Fling...
Like there is nothing...
Convince
Comes to mind....
....At a drop of a dime...
Not the first time...
So maybe i should say...
How could i.....

...Ok so

I guess when u don lie
Everything seems suspisous
Conspicuously....
Nothing seems true enough
Im am all on actions
Words mean nothing to me
I don't hear i feel...
My gut tells me
What and what's not
Real...
Tired of being reeled
As if i orbit...
Tired of the
Bullshit...
And trying to
Understand it..
Commanded
From the start...
In the mist of it
Something fell short..
Still tryin to sort
Between life
Trying to stay stong...
Beginning to again feel weak...
Unexplainably meek...
Trying hard to reach
In me and seek...
So badly i want peace....
Why can't it just be seen...
Love and understand....
Less then demanding...
Bringing nothing but
Hugs and kisses..
Trying to be Ur
Mrs..
But i always seem to hit
And miss...
Not even a kiss...
Trying to find
Our bliss..
Enough of this..
I can't do it alone...
Certain things should
Already be set in stone..
Feeling....a
Lone me some
Mercy...
Show a lil compassion...
Why does it seem like...
Im asking for ...
A star from the sky...
To be by my eye....
To never cry...
Just to be safe by
Yourside....
Continue to reside..
And love me beyond the sky....
It seems so hard..
Why..?

....

Getting straight to the point

This is not edited

Not gonna sweat this

Jus gonna think

And laugh

Because I said it

Before it even began

The same was as befor

Open a door that

Was only a game

To explore

What more

Can I do but

Sigh

I don’t even know why

I try

I need

True

Now I know

Why

The lie

Is more likely

But is frighting

To me that

I have in me so

Much honesty

So for

The ones that

Cant handle

I sit back

Spark up and light a

Candle

Fskw

Feeling some kinda way
But why
This is how they always
Do
Fairytales don't come true
Although
I believed it to be
Shame on me..
Raw love only exist
In the pits of me
I realized no one can see
Or handle what i give...
The love I give
Is to let live...
Light is what shined Through
When i first made contact
With u...
Through the tunnel
I can no longer
See...
Losing you
Seems like my only
Option....
But not again...
This time I
Want it to stick...
But i feel sick.....
Cause its not the same
Things have changed
But it not my place
To say cause i didnt
First place them that way...
Im lost..
In thee overall...
Can't u see...
But i guess not clearly..
So now i will cease and Desist...
Until it returns to me..
Ur bliss...
Feeling some kinda way..

Racing

I wake

My mind jumps

To thoughts of

Thee

Trying to get a

Clear picture

Too see

Thee beauty

Racing

My nerves

Never seem to

Calm

Eyes

Racing

Never seem to find

You....

That is until they

Are closed

And there is

......Thee

Standing

Wating for me

In a way that

Seems so clear

Near

Far

As

A star

Reaching out

Never grabing hold

Held

Hollllllddddd...

On

What am I doing

Persuing

Something that

Seems so natural

See...

Only thee can see

Or is it just free..

For all...

If so

Another one

Has falling

Restrain from calling

............

Melting is what

Takes place

In space

My area

In myspace

Racing

And bracing

Embracing

The Racing...

Ugh

I dont understand

But I guess it shouldnt

Matter

Batter to

The cake that

Didnt rise

To thee ocassion

Im blazin

Hair rasin

Trying to decide

Inside my brain...

But my soul anit

Sayin the same

Boggled...

Hard to swallow

Yet still feeling

It flow

Nothing is

Certian

To many

Things hidin

Behind that

Curtain

The exist

To no be

Spoken of

Not as gentle

As a dove

Naive is something

That I dont do well

Thats why my heart

Is living in hell

Thats just as well...

Hurt

I dont understand

But I guess it shouldnt

Matter

Batter to

The cake that

Didnt rise

To thee ocassion

Im blazin

Hair rasin

Trying to decide

Inside my brain

Feeling worst then

Hunger pains

Secretly

 I am ashamed

Of letting

Something get the best of me

This is more then a test to me

Feeling more like my

Destiny

 No need for empathy

 Cause what's gonna be will b

I've learned that

But not so easily

So use to know

Whats not for me

Not sure what is anymore

Obsession...?

Thinking....non
Stop about you
Smelling you
Through miles
Of fumes
I consume
Thee
Speculating from a far
Staying up to
Par
Not missing a beat..
On the back of ur feet....
Never do i compete
But only seek...
The ways of u....
So that when its
My turn to speak
Ur attention i will have...
Something i
Won't have to grab...
Like a cheetea i creep..
I have a confession
some may think is obessison...

but i call it progression of getting to know u...

trace...

What to do
Dont know how to consture
I so confused..
Scared why...
Times flies...
I can wait till next lifetime...
I cry
Cause i cant scream
It seems that nothing
Is in its right place
Everything
Obribiting
As if we were in outer space...
What's the case
Large organ race...
To a pace..
That no one can trace..
Can trace..
U can trace...
Can trace?
No mistakes...
Body aches....
I can trace.... ones trace...
I can't seem to get to its resting place..

Happy?

50/50
Huh that shits
For the bird
Haven you heard
The rule
You know the one
Where your in a relationship
And shit is suppose
Be spilt in half
Meaning if you get
Two I get two
Also
Not I get two
And you get three
I don’t understand
Why they even
Try and trick you
Into thinking that shit is true
One is always gonna do
More than the other
And we know this because
Oppisite attract
So.. you just tell me
If we are not the same
We don’t always want the
Same things
I jus sometimes wish
One jus one person
In this would be honest about
The fact that relationships
Are work
And like work
You never get out
Of what you put in
Especially if your not
In love with what you are
Doing..

Im here

Through the pores
Of your soul
And the depths
Of your heart
If no one is around
If there is no sound
When the days get cold
And shit gets old
Morning dew is gone
And the sun still dont
Shine
The will is no longer
Of life
If nothing seems right
Owls dont who..
They how..
And birds dont sing
They scowl
With your tears
Of joy and sorrow
And the blood
That runs in your
Vains..
When sweet is
Sour..
If your breath
Becomes your
Last..
Future becomes
Your past..
Even if you think
You cant
And you feel like
It wont matter..

Reach out to me....

Ok...

I cant lie
I know Im
As wrong as two
Left shoes
I got the blues
But I know whats best
Everything works both ways
So if I were that important
I would know
Because u would show
Not gonna chase you
I am the chasee
But I will accept my
Part
On us falling
Apart
But if you want me Im here..
If you need me ive always been there..
Why does it have to be a one
Way street
You ever think that
You might be the reason
For my insecurity
From queen to phesent
That feeling not plesent
Confused is how you left me
Spinning..
And to think..
I was ready to give up
And let you win
Glad I thought
Again
But then again
No matter how much
I try
Inside of me you still
Win
Cant shake it...
The feeling..
Tryin to be real
Tell you how I feel
But yet and still
Its about you
Well boo-hoo too you
I have feelings too
And it jus seem
That really they dont matter
To you
And even if they do
Just let em be..

fan

Nothing to do..
This is true..
Who woulda knew..
But the fool..
Nothing to construe
Cause your past confused
Not to abuse..
But things
Are used for true..
Misused aint new..
Looks like u need..
A rescue...
So much to be learn...
One of those am'n ones..
Am'n and aint gettin shit done
But yet and still Im your number
Fan...

untitled

Thinking of a master
Organized organization
Trying to bring
Giving cause it feels
G
O
O
D
How couldn’t
It be that
A plethora
Don’t see
The beauty in
Whats should
Be known as
Truth
Sweet as
Suga
The feeling
Could never
Leave me
Pleading to see
What it is
That thee see
They see
Tryin to figure
We?
Between
Stars
And the deepest s
Sea
Somewhere there has
Gotta be
Clarity..
　

too consture?

So whats it gonna be
Understanding thee
Through the days
Tryin to see clearly
But through the snow
It aint easy
So breezy
Trying to break through
The wind
So cold yet meek
Seeking what seems
To be a never ending
Mystery
Finding a new
Sexuality
But not
Sexually
Sensually
Nothing making
Sense to me
Try to explain verbally
But nothing seems
To come to me
Slowly but surely
Coming into me
But what I see is not
Clearly what I am use
Too so what am I too
Do..who what have knew

Striving to construe

Someday

Seriously could it be
From me to thee
One could only dream
Not even in the day
Only if my eye are closed
Do I see
Magically
Surrounding me
But suddenly
My eyes began
To flutter
And light shines
All memories
Of what is true
Bliss slips into
Whose
What’s and where’s
And how’s
And why s
The reason are simple
But the not fair
Life is unbearable
Tryin to remember the
Bliss ..vividly seeing
A kiss but with?
Enough of this
I look at like
Whats gonna
Be will
One day it will
Pure bliss…

When/Win

Knew this was gonna happen, thats why I wasnt even tryin to go there,
Some things are left alone for a reason, not trying to be apart of the prob,
Actions speak louder,The thunder and lighting, frighting I know,
And another thing I know is your full of snow,ha ha I have to sit and laugh,
Too much class to lash, to tired to get mad,so tired of gas filled people,
No where is my equal,try hard not to be, but can be jus as evil, so over it,
So done with more than one, a roller coster that ends,just to begin again,
Like MArvin Benagain,not trying to loose, im tryin to win, this cycle wont end,
But its my choice to blend, so then again..

ugh..

I can write,
With all my might,
But some things ,
Will never change,
Scream to the mountain top,
Make the world stop,
But some things are never seen,
Complications,
Regulation,
Self -destruction
What’s what,
Who’s who,
Which way is up,
Nothings ever enough,
Sacrifice with Sacrifice,
What’s left,
The rest?
Of what?
What’s worth ones,
All,
Their will to live,
To love to breath,
To love blissfully,
Without worry,
Who’s too say,
How far is too,
Or that procrastination,
Is an unknown sensation.
And is actually enjoyed,
Why cant good be bad
Or vice versa,

Mentally raped,

..jus...

Feeling like..
Yeah like that...
Everytime..
Life happens im... being...
You know like..
Tested..too see
Just how far...
Is too far..
Or is there even..
A limit...to life
Or is that just it...
Shit happens...
Is there such thing as...
Stability...
Are there jus things that are..
Do things really run there course..
Or do we reach our limit..
Or do we jus do whats easy...
But whats to say for those..
Who actually live it..
Breath it... take it...

And how does this become choice...
If this is all you know..

Light

Glorious to be..
In such a new place..
Where life seems a lil easy..
Not easily...
But reality is becoming...
Like my fantasy...
And its all becoming clear to me...
Slowly but surly im coming..
Into me..
Breathing see...
Helpling me help me...
Finding out...
And seeing...
That being a human being...
Isnt all that bad...
Still alienistic...
But starting to recognizie...
This shell...
That call human...
Coming into my design...
What was made for me...
I can see.. can.. see..
More...
Still need more...
Gotta start somewhere...
Why not Here...

Plain and simple

I
Miss
You

Speaking

Speaking

I am afraid
Of What?
This pressure
That is constantly
Building up
To release
Is not a choice
Nothing can be done
Its done
All that can be
Left alone
Is all I want to
Be
Forced to go on
Without
Have to though
If not
Hurt is the only thing
That I am guaranteed
And a heart full of
What ifs
Sucha euphoric
Feeling when released
So I have heard but
Then again somethings
Arent ment for me
So slowly
I have too
Wean
Myself
From the bounds of is
Force
For it will never be forgotten
Hoping that it build again.

Tell

Touchin
Parts
That you never knew were there
Feeling
You
Without even knowing you location
Screaming
From
Apart of my soul only you can hear
Breathing
Only
The air that you transfer through the air
Hoping
For
Only the best for whats in store
Secretly
Wanting
You more then could ever be possible
Constanly
Qustioning
This insanity that runs inside for you
Never
Really
Wanting the feeling go away
Is
Afraid
That you will fly away from me

Writing

What is it to you
Too available
Not understandable
Nothing
Knowing that
My chamber
Is always open
For life
Never will it
Be dark
But really
What is it to you
But a tumble weed
That blows by
On a lonely day
But tis as commercialized
As the day of love
Or is of thee aquantanceship
As rare as the
Farest star
Thoughts of rarity
No need for knowing
For that is
Of the life
I love
Full of
Unread books
And unfinshed thoughts
Spoken

2009

Feelings..
Anger
Fustration
Control
Unable too
Hurt
Misunderstood
Not understanding
Pain
Unbearable
Keep
Feeling
Uncontrolable
Becoming
Disabled
Life
Light
Epiaphany
Feeling
Hope