love me doors

Trying to learn,
To love me,
I love love so much,
It has consumed me,
Putting myself out there,
For too many to see,
Getting shot down,
But never falling,
Just loosing a lil,
Of me along the way,
Giving people peices,
Of me,
But I need,
For someone to show me,
That there is hope,
For the love I carry,
Its heavy,
Full of emotion,
And pure,
To its core,
..
But the one thing I know
For sure,
Is that I am no longer opening my doors...

the last thing

I hope all is well,

Its funny that u ask,

As well as its gonna be,

Thanks for takin the on,

The task,

Things could always be,

Better,

As always,

But nowadays,

Ive been in a rage,

That I cant control,

That is inside my soul,

Missing,

Realizing that without,

I am unhappy,

Not understanding,

Fully what that means,

Tryin to keep being,

And not give up,

But time waits,

For no one,

Hope all is well,

All is Well is true,

But would be,

Be better if all,

Was with . . .

Feel...?

Feelings..
Ahh...

Feeling intertwined,
Into a love that is so,
Divine,
That it has consumed
Thee extreamities
Of my inmortal
Soul,
Making me feel,
Like a slave,
To its core,

Unable to break free,
Not wanting to,
Urning to be,
But whats best,
For thee...?

Worlds

So many worlds,
Within this world,
Confused of to which,
I belong in
Feelin like a Marvin,
The Marshin
Starvin for a world,
Within this world,
That best fits me,
But how many,
Why so much mystery,
So many times,
Worlds have collided,
Enough for things.
To be decided,
Worlds have been,
Denied in,
Lied in,
Recreated,
Then
Re decided,
There are worlds,
To hide in,
But whos doing the
Hidin,
Deep inside in,
A....
World where I don
Feel like Marvin,
And i anit starvin,
To fit in,
Sit an,
Think about,
These worlds,
So many to be in,
Some can be so,
Intriguin,
But what is my,
Being,
What world should I,
Be in,
As foreigen
As a korean,
To the world that,
I be in...
Tryin to find,
My inner,
Human being...

Prob or Solution?

Internally
Goin
Into
A place where
I
Have no control,
Love,
Has gone,
To a place,
Beyond,
Wishing,
Hoping,
Dreaming..(likereally)
Dreaming that,
I was the
One that
YOU called apon,
In your time,
Of distress,
Urning to be,
More then JUS..
Not sure if you beileve
Or feel the magnetic
Charge..
Knowing its more..
Feeling it more..
Then I can even control..
Tryin to let go,

But
I am in something,
That I cant seem to shake,
But was it all a mistake?
Wanting to be apart of the solution and not the prob!

Time will tell

Where this came from,
Im not sure,
But its hard because,
Cause more and more,
Everday,
Everthing,
Signs,
Songs,
Coming on,
So strong,
Even when Im
Not,
I am,
Mesmerized,

Being where,
I am is hard,
Cause Ive been,
Hunted,
And
Tunted by things,
That cant change,
Wanting to be in a diffrent
Frame,

Feeling
Outside of myself,
But not somebody eles,

Not wanting to hurt,
But wanting happiness
Finding,
But never
When....
Living,
But never knowing
But still knowing,
In this short time,
Wanting so much,
Pain from...
Past has
Past...
But...
Time will tell
Whats missing
Forreal..

RIP

I shead tears,
For my Auntie V,
Which have been shared,
With my Grandmom,
I shead tears,
For Going to Cecils,
And share those same tears,
With Zuri,
Tears flowed for MJ,
And his family,
I shead tears for my last
Part of my Grandmom,
My Nana,
With those tears,
Came a fear,
Then more tears
Were to be freed,
For my Aunt Q,
Never have I shead so many tears

Thinkin

I always speak of,
Second chances,
But what,
Does that make,
Of a person,
Love,
I know from
Experince,
Can be the most,
Powerful thing that
Exist,
But at the end
How do u know,
What right,
Or wrong,
For a person,
(likeme)
Who constanly,
Is analyzing,
Every senerio,
Disecting,
Every word
Counting,
Recounting,
Erasing,
Doing over,
Looking over,
But when my back,
Is against the wall,
Nothing makes since,
Words become,
Numbers,
Sentences become
Equations,
And never is there,
A realization,
Of life,
Or of death even,
Jus,
Love,
In the name of,
Nothing matters,
But that feeling,
And how can u get it back,
Say,
Anything,
Do
Anything,
Jus,
To
Feel
That
Feeling again
So things,
Began to not matter,
You loose,
You feel trapped
You feel so many things,
Things that you didnt
Even know that were,
Capible to be felt,
But who,
And why,
No matter how much,
Its never like the first,
Somethings you cant get back,
But if you WANT something,
You WILL get it back..

Air

Things go through my brain so insane,
I think too much,
Too much to think about,
Heart beats so fast,
Putting my last breath into,
Everyone,
And
Everthing,
But if I am breathing for them,
Who is breathing for me,
Where are the people,
You know the ones,
That will be there,
No matter what,
Or the ones that claim,
That the know you so well,
If this is true,
Then why,
Jus why
Am I
My shoulder to cry on,
The one to wipe my tears,
The one tellin me that things,
Are going to be ok,
Where is all the support that,
I give,
Now understand,
I dont do things for others,
With intentions of getting it back,
Nor,
Am I ungreatful,
For the things that I,
Have been blessed with,
But when,
Will I have one moment,
A second,
Jus to breath for Me..

I dare not say!

This color,
Is used for,
Many things,
But in this instance,
You will see,
How such beauty,
Can find you,
So guilty,
Of an emotion,
That most of the time,
You dont realize,
Until it hits you,
And when it does,
You feel,
No you go,
Into a state of,
Denial,
Because,
You think,
NOT ME,
I cant be,
There is no way,
That I can be,
Sooo
GREEN!

Something new

Something new
I am going to try,
And see,
If this works,
Cause see,
They say,
That the definition,
Of insanity,
Is to do things,
Redundently,
Expecting,
Alteration,
Out of years,
Days,
Months,
And weeks,
Of confontation,

So imma switch it up,
And make my own alterations,
Elemenating confrontation,
Takin life in a lighter sense,
But still dense,

Recreatating,
An already extrodainary,
Creation,
Taking to heights,
Unknow by the keen eye,

So...
!Hello/goodbye!

phase!

I was a phase
I know this is true
Since the first time
I became true
Been one before
So I know how this works
Its ok cause I wanted it at first
To chase is not ment for me to do
But to played wit anit cool,
Not the first time
Shade was thrown my way
But its cool
Cause this game I wont play
My thoughts,
My words,
My mind,
My soul,
And
My heart still exist
Full with moments of true bliss
So if I say nothing else,
I will say this,
Love still lives,
Slitly missed,
But I dont dwel over shit!

?

So blown, tired of , life, things happening, things changing, being older, nothing seems to be getting better, everything seems to not be right, why, I dont know Some people are cool wit living, and change, me on the other hand, So many things i need and want, know how to get them, but am too afriad to reach, something is goin to happen, and its not good, I can feel it in my soul, I want to many things, But dont go for them because i dont feel worthy, am I, I dont know if its me being lazy, or jus something inside me that is holdin me back, i have so many emotions, never know where to direct them, emotionaly drained, feeling that is insane is sane, feeling abandon from the world, In more ways then one, Loving love so much that I feel it has failed me,
never understood,but do i make it hard on myself, I jus want things to be ok, or do i really, is the drama what keeps me going, cant be cause i cant stand extra, the things i want r simple to me but just what are they to thee?