so...

tired of words being shoved down my throt....
when i do speak...
it as if im mute...
trying to use my brain...
to compute...
whats really going on...
why must everything be out of the norm...
trying to speak...
but my words are shoved behind...
and nothing i really feel...
ever seems to reach surface...
what the purpose...
since every already knows...

...

actions speak louder then words..
tired of all the adjectives and verbs...
the sound of the vowels against....
consonant after consonant...
with no consent of action...
beautiful wishes...
whispers...
and sonnets...
halfway seeing...
saying not being...
transparent...
reached...
compromised...
with surprise...
but nothing is of realization...
know one really looks...
we see what we wanna see...
be who we wanna be....
sneak...
then try to peak...
u come off meek...
but as usual its Ur actions that speak..

up

sitting up late..
cant sleep...
see imma thinka..
so let me see...
what is it...
that u want from me...
feeling like that
ooowee..
i cant quite...
understand..
what is it u demand...
what is it that ur waiting for...
what more proof do u need...
what do i have to concieve..
if u truly believe...
nothing is easy...
but it is a factor...
that im truly after...
imma thinka..
so im tryin to put myself there...
thats a place that needs a sign to beware..
because anything is possible...
when it come too...
so for now like everyone else..
imma think for me...
and leave the rest for u..

lol

real lust..
trust...
i just had an epiphany...
with that....
my heads gonna combust...
inside i slowly but surly rust...
what is it really...
when is enough enough...
my exterior quite tough..
but not as rough
as it may seem...
head full a dreams...
i seen and heard this one before..
so ready to close that door...
and reach new heights...
tired of being siked...
too close to being iked..
irked by the fact of know..
but not fully...
trying to go wit my gut...
but whats really what...
whats really truly waiting ...
for me me to come through...
is it real love...
or im just waiting...
to be dissappointed again...

true

in a place that can't be seen trying to find line
but it seems non existent
i guess its my fault that
it seems inconsistent
but when distance
is a factor that seems to be
more then distance
i can't resist it
but as hard as one makes it seem
somewhat persistent
the future holds
what if and maybes
dreams of babies
but what's real
is waiting
for love thee
answer
or Should u leap
for something that seems
to be of only existing
in one
or just reach for the stars
know that u won't be able to touch one
what's said is said...
what's done is done...
now whats it gonna be....

....

To try an understand
ones needs,
is no longer of me,
never in this department,
have i had success,
the things i distress
but realizing everyday
there can't be nothing left
i yes and yes
today im feeling like
no
over the bullshit...
tired of letting things go
tired of getting
the short end
always being...
an after thought
i thought...
well i guess thoughts
are all i have to them
i hold on and grab..

Umm

To try an understand
ones needs,
is no longer of me,
never in this department,
have i had success,
the things i distress
but realizing everyday
there can't be nothing left
i yes and yes
today im feeling like
no
over the bullshit...
tired of letting things go
tired of getting
the short end
always being...
an after thought
i thought...
well i guess thoughts
are all i have
i hold on and grab..
Replaying each one
Trying to figure out
What I have become

how

i laugh so hard...
i begin to cry...
i sit sigh ...
and ask myself...
who what when and why...
did it have to come to this...
low blows...
behind empty kisses...
lies turn in to wishes...
what is this...
jus how did it come to this...
unbeknowst from the first if...
i stop taking ur calls thats how u know...
telling me that explanation has turned in to sensation...
creating...no sense...
im trying to reach...
but how far are u really...
seem more distant then 35days...
i daze at the maze my life has turned in to...
battered and confused...
i have misused...
but never have i refused...
so just how did it come too this...blankness

time

so many thoughts...
run through my head...
in the last month...
so many things done...
still not enough said....
im seeing red...
feeling beyond dead....
lifeless like a robot...
that has mal functioned...
everything i've felt seems like an assumption...
too you...
its funny how..
one expects u too react...
before reviewing all the facts...
maybe i Shouldn have cut u no slack...
blinded by love that's a fact...
in a matter of something that u claim u do....
but for so long was lacked...
now i sit back with no contraction...
or contradiction....
just wishing for some accommodation....
consideration from my fare warning of my needs...
which u choose not to conceive...
so where does that leave...
me....
in the hell inside my brain...
slowly going insane....
i know that's what u want secretly...
i hope u enjoy Ur success....
while i cry tears from my soul....
and search for what makes me whole again