Venting 7/6/08

Tired of trying and still being the one that ends up hurt. I am not the one that fucked up and I could have jus left but I stayed and I still feel like I am being taking advantage of. I mean I don’t ask for much. I feel like my ideas and thoughts are constantly being put down as if I am not educated I mean damn I am tired of being treated like a child and looked down apon as the bad person. I am tired of given and giving and not receive anything. Fuck it I am bout jus do me I am tired of putting everyone else before me. People don’t appreciate me or the things I do. Especially Nicole she act like I am suppose to do shit I do it cause I love her but she jus takes advantage of me jus like everyone else. This is y I have a limited amount of friends as it is. I try to explain this to her but she don’t care. She do what she want. Whatever makes her happy and that’s fine cause imp jus going to start doing things that make me happy I am not bout to keep doing shit. My feelings are so not important to her nothing n no one could say nuthin to me to make me think different I keep telling her actions speak louder then words but she always yapping that shit goes through one ear and out the other lol shit is crazy she don’t get me and she don try to either I mean don get me wrong I love her more then life its self I am still in love wit her but. I know that love is not suppose to be like this because I have been happier in some of my past relationships. Its like she cant even take constructive criticize if I say something she don’t like she goes and catches her ill attitudes she needs to grow the fuck up because I am not bout to kiss no ones ass for nothing. Shit is crazy I want to be wit her but she needs to grow up and do it fast stop make in excuse for everything shit im the queen of excuses but see she wouldn’t know that because for some reason she feels like everything she does and or have been through is way more advanced and difficult. She always talk about what she went through but shit my mom was on drugs most of my life I never really had a parent till recently cause even when she wasn’t on drugs she was all into Joel. She has always had people there or her till this day and she takes advantage of them too. I just wished she could have lived wit me for like one year when I was younger she would appreciate life and maybe even me a LITTLE better. Shit I practically raised my damn self I didn’t have no one there for me when I cried at night and was scared and wondering if my mom was out laying somewhere dead I never got that comfort from anyone not even family which is the main reason y I don’t trust people I have been fucked ova so many times in my life. All I want is to be heard and understood is that too much to ask for I don’t know y she doesn’t understand that. Its like when I talk to her she don’t listen she hear me but she don’t listen. I am tired of not being heard. But I will say this if shit don change I mean really change soon she is going to be hurt and imam be sad and alone because we shouldn’t have arguments everyday. I am too damn old for this shit.